Unsure homeland

Before I reached high school I lead a sheltered life moving around different areas but in no mind had an idea of the history of my homeland or that the areas I lived in where loyalist until I reached high school and moved into tullycarnet. While my school was integrated and I never picked up on any hate there especially in my group of friends but living in that estate I was being told things by other kids and adults about catholics and republicans that they wernt to be trusted that they were thieves and scumbags and could never be trusted and while I was hearing this there meeting them in school contradicted what I was being told.

I seen that many of them had the characteristics that they were trying to push on the other side and I realised for the 1st time that it wasn’t anything to do with religion or politics these people were just wrong and finding any excuse to hate a trait that was generations old in some of there families. Through this tho I began making friends with the alternative side of society that went against the norm of where I lived.

As I grew older and the Internet and it’s information became more available to me because I couldn’t ask my family about it without getting a wierd look for thinking differently. The information I found and not being raised in with that frame of mind I was able to view it as an outsider taking in all the information and coming to my own conclusions. And they were that while yes my family all claimed to be British all brought up in loyalist areas going back generations and my dad a British soilder in his youth . I couldn’t shake the feeling that I felt Irish and I could see the struggle of who I viewed as my people from my homeland yearned for there country to be restored fully . This view alienated me from my family and people I grew up with in places I lived.

The freedom tho of seeing things from the outside for so long and looking at all the information grew so much that I stand alone from my family now as a socialist republican with a dire hatred for capatalism,  facism and anyone who would victimise anyone over something that they could not change . Again something tthat conflicts with some of my wider families views. And lately and after hearing a girl I went to primary school with is a communist it got me curious and I had to learn what it was about and I have to say the ideas started to make more sense to me and I became confused how I was taught that communism was this evil thing when I knew if these people actually did there homework they would see it in a different light as I had come to.

There were people who said stuff like communist countries have done this and have done that and that I should believe what they do as it’s what right and they hold America up as a supposed sing beacon of all thats right . To which I reply that if they are so right how come they are involved in more wars I than anyone else and there fair system is rigged by lobbying (legal bribes) and the crimes they commit globally is criminal in my eyes even the shabbles that our own system is run buy . I tell them that our supposed right way is ruining our health care our school system and is hurting the everyday families for the benifits of the rich elitist. And while my views have left me feeling alone most of my life I know in my heart that there is a better way and through people who don’t even know it the ideas of a better way is coming together and that in itself is a bigger comfort